11rl0902imr - Breathe and Let Go

My childhood was truly blessed, as I knew I was surrounded
with love, support, and encouragement in a Christian home. Just as all of us in
this broken world experience, my family and I went through our ups and downs.
Through all of these experiences, I grew very independent as I was encouraged
at a young age to development this attribute.

As I reflect back on my middle school years, I know the Holy
Spirit was guiding me even when I could not completely comprehend it, and
thankfully and joyfully, the very same thing continues to occur. I sought the
Lord in my life through the ways I understood of loving others and being good. During
this time, I thoroughly enjoyed my schooling and life but I longed for
something beyond this, as I was always encouraged to seek adventure.

I was blessed with the opportunity to attend boarding school
after eighth grade, and this was truly a gift as God completely orchestrated
it. My years away from home starting at age fourteen have shaped me into the
women that I am today. I was literally in a fairytale because at that point
going to my high school had been a lifelong dream.

The independent lifestyle I lived was something I thrived
off of. The community I lived in provided me with opportunities beyond my
wildest dreams, as the world was literally my oyster. During these years, I
still sought faith in the Lord, especially through the communities I found in
two local churches. While I knew the Lord was guiding me, I continued to have a
pretty passive relationship with Him, as I only desired to love others and to
be good. I just saw my relationship with God as something that made me good -
not something that set me free.

Overall, my years in high schools consisted of God chiseling
away at my heart so I would finally open up to Him. At the end of my senior
year after I returned from a two-week trip to India, it finally hit me. I kept
on chasing after adventure and fulfillment in things that would pass away - yes
I was "good" but God alone is good (Luke 18:19). The only thing I wanted was to
fall in love with God so then I could know what it meant to lose my life.

The summer between high school and college was a beautiful
time as I learned how to enter into a relationship with our Father. This was
the time when I took some of the biggest steps in opening up to Him as I
started to actively seek Him and work out my salvation instead of passively
accepting it. The biggest thing I had to let go of and continue to release was
and is my pride. With an independent spirit, I have the tendency to do things
all on my own, and to break me of this God commands me to be humble.

Our Father continues to put me in places of humility as He
reminds me:

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise. - Psalm 51:17

The Lord calls me to be raw with Him as He demands for me to
be unveiled before Him so His glory may be revealed. With my prideful spirit, I
have the tendency to hold on to things and not want to give them over to the
Lord. Therefore, my prayer everyday is to Breathe
and Let Go.

The Lord brings me to points of weakness because that is
when His glory is revealed the most through me and I am not surviving on my own
strength. So to live a life worthy of my calling I must breathe and let go of
the things I hold on to.