I was raised in a christian home, went to church, knew every story, every verse, and every song. I asked Jesus into my heart about a hundred times, I've prayed so many prayers, and re-dedicated a billion times. Then a little over a year ago I realized all of that really meant nothing. i believed in God, but He was not the Lord and leader of my life. We tag-teamed it. I would let Him lead on Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, or whenever I was at church, and then It was my turn during the week. This is such a hard way to live life and follow God all at the same time.

 Actually it's impossible.

 I thought that I could lead my life better than anybody else. I knew what I wanted and I thought I could accomplish it better than anybody else. In November of 2009 I realized nothing was actually working the way I had planned it to. I began to actually cry out to God. To see if He wanted to take over.  I was sick of the hypocritical life I was leading and wanted to live my life Completely sold out for Christ.

 I knew I had to let go of the life I had been so desperately holding onto. I knew I had to give it all completely to God.

 I began to realize that in order to get what I thought I wanted in life I had to actually give up everything I wanted in life.

 In one day I changed everything about me. It was like night and day. I didn't want any part of the old me to be like the new me (of course I'm not perfect, but that was the plan). I Changed what I did with my free time, the music I listened to, the tv and movies I watched, my schedule, and even my best friends. It was incredibly hard. But something I needed to do in order to live for Christ. I knew I couldn't have both things.  I had to give up everything in my old life because I finally realized anything God had for me would be way better. That anyone or anything that wasn't for me...was against me. I started waking up REALLY early to make sure God was the first part of my day, changed my work schedule so I had time to go to church, and started surrounding myself with good Christian influences. Colossians 3:9-10 became so real in my life. I literally felt like I had taken off my old self and was a whole new person in Christ.  

I have been on so many missions trips in my life but only one that had really made an impact. In March of 2010 I went to Haiti. It was one of the hardest and most heart-breaking things I have ever done. I saw a life extremely different to the one I live. Everything about it just broke my heart. I fell in love with every person there, and even more in love with God. It was in Haiti where my passion and desire for missions, and kids started. After that trip I knew God was calling me to missions for a season of my life. To give up my "self" and everything I have, for Him. Even though that means leaving the comfort, my family, my friends, and all of my material "necessities". 

"So you cannot become my disciple without giving up everything you own"

Luke 14:33

God has changed my life in so many ways. I am able, ready, and willing, to go wherever the Spirit leads me. Everyday is a struggle because I still live in this world. But I am continually surrendering my life to Him everyday, and truly learning what it means to live in the Spirit.  I no longer have a Spirit of fear or timidity but am 100% secure in God's will nd living to be the person He wants me to be rather than who I had planned to be. It is such an unbelievable feeling just to see God working through someone so imperfect like me!