Silly, Silly Me
God always shows up in various, unexpected ways, and I'm pretty sure that's how it is for a lot of people. I'm never able to predict when God wi...
I'm pretty sure that's how it is for a lot of people. I'm never able to predict when God will revel himself to
me. I always think it will be at
the usual winter retreat, worship night, or conference. People always talk about this "Jesus
high" that they get after going to a camp for the week or weekend. The last time I felt that was probably
before junior high.
going to retreats, camps, or whatever have been a frustrating time for me. "God, why did you reveal yourself to
everyone but me this weekend?" is what I would always ask. The funny part is that when God did
encounter me, it was at a camp- just not at the time or place I expected it.
Last summer I worked at a Christian camp. About a month before I left, I
realized that I didn't want to go anymore. I wanted to spend that summer at home with my friends. Going up to camp for
another summer meant pouring into kids' lives, but it also meant doing a lot of
hard work. I just didn't want to do
it anymore. I wanted one selfish
summer for myself to do what I wanted.
Knowing that all my camp friends would basically kill me if I
didn't go up to camp, I decided to push all those feelings back down and act
like I was excited for summer. Deep down inside I thought to myself "Okay God, I'll go. But I'm warning you, don't you dare try
to change me or anything this summer. I'm doing fine and I don't need you." Boy was I wrong.
Trying to run from God while in a Christian "bubble" is not
a very smart thing to do, but I did (actually, attempted would be a better
word) it anyway. As the days
passed by and became weeks, I thought I was winning. I would ignore God's constant whisper to let Him lead my
life. I thought my last two weeks of camp were going to be the
best. I couldn't wait to get out
of that "bubble." Even thought I
acted like I was enjoying myself, I wasn't. My heart wasn't in it, which made a huge difference.
of my life. During those last
weeks, I got into fights with my dearest friends, was excluded from hanging
out, and was blown off by my friends. I couldn't take it anymore and went off by myself. I could feel the tears coming and I
didn't want anyone to see me weak. The sun was almost setting and I ran out to
the edge of the beach called the point. I sat down on the ground with my head in my hands and let it all out -
the hurt that I felt, the betrayal, and the loneliness. At that exact moment, the sun hit the
water and beamed into my face. Wondering where the heat was coming from, I looked up. The sun was only hitting me and nothing
else. In a state of awe, I smiled
to myself. I didn't feel lonely
anymore. I felt God telling me "Roni, I'm right here with you. You can always count on me. I will never to what your friends have done to you." Then I gave him my
all. I started to listen to
God. I started to not only listen,
but to also obey.
That was the beginning of the many God encounters that I
have had since then. Throughout
every day, I can feel God whisper all kids of truth into my heart.
hear God telling me to do, but I don't care. I can't deny what I know to be true. And to think I was running away from
that love the whole summer. Silly,
silly me...
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