Before I was born, God had a plan for my life.  The family that He placed me in and the experiences that He has put me though are all a part of the "big picture."  Whenever I am going through a rough patch I think this:

 

Sometimes God does things not to discipline you, but to make you stronger and prepare you for something BIGGER

 

I grew up in a "Christian-ish" home and although we
are not a perfect family, I wouldn't trade them for anything! I had a pretty typical
upbringing consisting of going to Sunday school, small groups, youth groups and
other programs.  I was that crazy girl who would always do silly things. :) 

 

It wasn't until I
was eight years old that I really understood accepting Christ as my personal
Lord and Savior. At that moment, the Holy Spirit entered me and I gave my life over to
Christ. I became "on fire" for
God, always wanting to share His love with my friends, family, and do more to
serve and worship him.

 

But when I
entered junior high, my relationship with Him took a turn.  My passion and love for God soon began to decline and almost
became nonexistent. I did
"Christian" things because it was what I was supposed to do. I already had the "Christian"
reputation to uphold and I couldn't let people know how I was really
feeling. How would they ever
understand?

 

I learned to hide what
I was truly feeling from the outside world and dealt with all my issues by
myself. After too long of doing
this, I started to develop anxiety problems that I still deal with from time to time. I began to worry constantly, mostly
about stupid, irrational things. Instead of seeking God out when I was going through this, I tried to
deal with it myself. And when that
didn't work (I figured this out the hard way) I went to a therapist, which
helped me for a short while. But
that was just a temporary fix to an ongoing problem. It wasn't until this year that I started to turn to God as my refuge and my strength. 

 

Throughout my high school career, God began to capture my heart again. Even though I could
feel Him calling my name and trying to lead me, I kept running from Him and His
direction. To be honest, I was
scared that He didn't know what was best for me. I was scared that He wouldn't lead me into the career that I
wanted to do, or He wouldn't bring the right guy into my life. Almost every time I tried to do things
my way, they would melt apart in my hands.

 

I felt that I couldn't do anything
right. 

 

I felt like a failure.

 

I felt that no one would ever love
me. 

 

I felt that no one even cared
about me. 

 

I was defeated and I
needed someone to lift me up. Even
though I turned my back on God, he didn't turn His back on me.  When I started giving over little pieces of my life over to
God, I would see them grow and show His glory. Every time I put a new issue into His hands, I could feel the
anxiety slide off my shoulders. Last summer I had almost given every part of my life over to God. 

 

There was still a little piece of my
life that I was very reluctant to give Him: my relationships with boys. This was ALWAYS an area that I never
wanted to trust God with (Yes, I was one of those boy-crazy girls growing up,
but don't worry-I'm not like that anymore). When I took this matter into my own hands, it turned out for
the worst. I ended up getting my
heart broken, leading me to deal with more issues of not thinking that I could
ever be loved. 

 

Again, God was
there to pick up the broken pieces of my heart and gently put them back
together. Seeing that God was
always there for me made me fall in love with Him all over again. I felt the same way I did when I was eight years old. I gave myself
over to God when I was the most broken.