Failures don't just happen out of the blue. There is always a rising action and the
failure is the climax. When reading books, the climax is the most exciting
part- the part where the reader is most looking forward to. In real life, the climax is the most
dreaded part that you hope will never

actually happen. It's kind of like cheating all the time
and finally getting caught. You
know that it will happen one day, but you try to never think about it.  Poor decisions and bad habits lead to big failures.   

 

Sometimes I feel as though everyday is a battle between my
spirit and my flesh. I think back
to the verse in Romans 7:15 "I do not understand myself at all. For I really want to do what is right,
but I don't do it. Instead I do the very thing I hate." I fall into temptation every day and I
feel defeated.  I feel the lowest when I allow the Devil to thrive in my life.    

 

Every time I feel defeated, I begin to think extremely
negative about myself. I get angry
and then end up taking it out on the people who love me the most. I know that displacing my anger on
others is not a good way to deal with my frustrations, but it seems so easy
to do-until I realize the consequences of my actions. Last night would be a perfect example. 

 

Shall we begin....?

 

After a few weeks of pushing down stress, hurt and anger, I cracked.  ("Why do you do this?" You might ask.  Well the answer to that is I don't really know why.  Aka a bad habit that I'm beginning to work on changing).  I blew up at my family and said extremely hurtful
things. After I had my "episode" I
realized the consequences of my actions. I thought back to the many times that I have done this before to my
family and saw how that has hurt my relationship with them. In that moment, I felt like I was in the
right, but in reality I wasn't. I
was speaking completely irrationally. 

 

I thought to myself, "How am I ever going to go out into the
world and love others when I can't even love my own family?"

 

 

This morning I tried to make peace with my family. And it never occurred to me that God
was with me during that whole fight. I never even thought about God looking down on us, feeling
the same pain that my family felt every time I said each hurtful word. How embarrassed my heavenly father must
have been. 

 

I realized this when Bekah and I were driving home from a
friend's house today and the song Everything by Tim Hughes came on the radio.

 

 

Of course I knew that, but I didn't really think about it in
that way. God, you are truly
wonderful. Despite all the failures, God still loves me. He still sent his son to die for me on
that cross.  I am a sinner and I don't deserve anything from God.  As I sit here
listening to that song, tears fill my eyes because I realize that I was bought
with a price. 

 

That's the greatest
gift of all! The greatest
redemption of all!