I was blessed enough to lead a pretty "good" life. I was terrified to break rules and do what was wrong for fear of punishment and people thinking terribly of me. Although this is a good thing and God was really looking out for me, it makes this blog a little more difficult. And hard to think of something. But we've all got something.  And I had one that nobody would ever know about.... and that was just what I wanted. If I just told small little lies, nobody would ever know. 

It started out small and spun from there. 

As does every sin.

From the ages of 13-18 I had a huge identity crisis. I had no idea who I was or who I wanted to be. I just knew I wanted to fit in and be cool.  So I did whatever needed to be done to get there. I would say whatever I needed to, be whoever I needed and act anyway I needed to.  I would make up casual little things at first. Like what I did on the weekends, to the kind of music I listened to, to what kind of house I lived in. I could pretty much convince everyone of everything. 

This pattern of lying just grew and grew. And I was great at it. I hardly ever slipped or got lost in a lie. 

I would lie to my parents, to my teachers, I would cheat on tests, and I even lied to my friends and best friends. I was such an ugly person. 

But I thought I had so much going for me.

And I thought I was happy.

After I finished high school I would go out to clubs every weekend and be at the hookah lounge almost every night.

 I was trying to be this really awesome person that I knew deep inside I really wasn't. 

I never told everything to anybody for fear of slipping up. 

But this gets lonely.

Watching every word you say, hiding things from people, not being too close to anyone. It's not how humans are designed to function. God made other people because you really can't live this life alone. 

As I started to turn my life around this verse really got to me. 

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is here!I knew I had to become a completely new person. Which is perfect because I had grown to hate the person I had been. I didn't enjoy living like this, but once you've started it's hard to back out without looking like a complete idiot.  I couldn't keep the friends I had and still live differently.  They liked me for who I wasn't.  "

Not for who I could be in Christ. 

But the Holy Spirit sent people along side me to show me the way. To hold me accountable. To take the place of my friends. He sent them to make me who I am in Christ. To break me from what I had so constantly relied on. To help me rely fully on Him. 

So that is what I did. 

Living my life for Christ had become my main focus. It had become great enough in my mind that I was willing to give up everything I had "gained". 

So I gave it all up. 

Or it gave me up. 

But now I can use my story to lead others. The story of being cleansed and made new. Into the person I can be in Christ. 

Giving up every worldly thing along the way. 

But to gain Christ. 

There really is nothing greater!