My biggest
failure isn't a situation, but a mindset that has followed me well, my whole
life. I used to call it insecurity, but I don't know if that fully explains it.
You see, like a lot of people I suppose, I want to be liked by people. I used
to find much of my worth in others opinions of me and in relationships I have
with people. The problem comes when something happens with a relationship, and
I lose confidence. I would basically find my value in how other viewed me.

I prayed and
prayed that I could somehow get out of this 'habit'. I hated being
so dependent on something so easily changeable.

..yet my
problem didn't go away.

But about a
couple years ago, He lead me to 2 Corinthians 12:7-9:

"So to keep me from becoming proud, I
was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me
from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away.
Each time He said, "My grace is all your need, My power works best in weakness."

I discovered
that I, like Paul, had a thorn. And just like Paul, I prayed and cried out to
God to take it away, to set me free in His wonderful freedom! And well, He didn't. But what He did show me, I have grown to love even more; I learned that freedom doesn't mean free from the insecurity itself,
but freedom from the way it affects me. I just needed to shift my focus!

It will be in
my weaknesses that I will find God's power at work. And that's what God wants for
me. You see, my problem isn't whether or not people like me, whether I'm
good at making conversation with people, whether I have deep relationships with
people. My problem is in what I'm finding my worth. Instead of
finding my worth in my relationships with other people, I should be finding my
worth in my relationship with our Daddy. And because I wasn't doing a very
good job at that, God gave me my thorn so that every time I feel insecure, I
turn to God and find my security in Him. And as I continued to do so, I
became more confident and secure in who I am. And yes, I began to
experience freedom from the plagues of my insecurity. And may God continue
to receive all of the glory for it!