"For He has delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling that I may walk in the light of life" Psalm 56:13
I wasn't born into a Christi...
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"For He has delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling that I may walk in the light of life" Psalm 56:13
I wasn't born into a Christian home. We attended church sometimes, but mostly just to meet some "religious gesture quota" because both of my parents were raised catholic. I am so grateful for this however, because I got to witness each member of my family CHOOSE Christ for themselves and not because we were a christian family and that was what you were supposed to do. I distinctly remember driving home from dance class with my mother. She was so excited about being a new Christian and so I solemnly asked if I could love Jesus too.
"He Has delivered me from Death..."
I honestly wanted to love the Lord with all my heart but I had the hardest time believing that HE loved ME. I saw people around me displaying sincere love and I knew I was missing something. I was in middle school, I had just moved from Michigan to Florida leaving behind all of our family and my friends. I hated the way I looked, I hated school (And so I rarely went), I did not have good friends, my family was fighting constantly and I was struggling with various health issues and medications. I could not see Jesus from behind my smoke screen of problems. For the first time in my life I was presented with a situation that would require me to trust our Lord, and I had no idea how to do that.
I became so severely depressed that I could no longer get out of bed in the morning. I started to have hardcore anxiety and resorted to cutting. And no one outside my family even knew! I put a smile on my face when I did attend school and whenever I was at church, because there was no way I was letting people see that I was struggling. I hated myself more each day.
One evening, after a bad fight with my father, I messed up. I cut too deep. Immediately I knew that I was in trouble. However, my first thought was "Oh no... I can't hide this one this time. What will people say?". I had to go to my parents for help because I knew a band-aid wouldnt be enough. Later that night, with my arm patched up, I sunk into dark depsair. I was so ashamed! I found some prescribed pain-killers and over-the-counter sleeping pills. I cried myself to sleep and the next morning I was admitted to the hospital.
"The Light of Life.."
Two wonderful things happened in the hospital. God had placed me in the care of a nurse who had a heart for Him and who spent the next few days encouraging me and sharing God's word with me. The second blessing was that most of my time was spent alone in my room where I was allowed nothing but a blanket, and my Bible. Out of boredom I opened God's word and found myself in the Psalms. I was overwhelmed by how relevant David's words were to me. I fell on my knees and poured out my heart to God for the first time. Each day I would sit on the floor in the sunlight from the window in the ceiling and would cry out to the Lord Like David did.
I finally came to Psalm 56:13 and had my world rocked. God had delivered me from death in a very literal way! And as I sat there in a literal pool of light, I rededicated my life to Him. His word became very real to me, as did His promises and His love.
I would be lying if I told you that I was immediately changed and everything got better. It was a slow process, I had to remind myself everyday that I was alive because God wanted me to be. He must love me. He must have plans for me. And now I can genuinely praise Him for the work he did in me at such a young age! I can see now that he was preparing me, sharpening me, and strengthening my faith in Him for other things that I would have to go through. And I love Him for that! He allowed me to experience darkness so that I could better appreciate what it means to walk in the light of life.I'm forever grateful.
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